Thursday, September 11, 2014

COLE STOUDT AND KYLE PARKER: OBVIOUSLY THE SAME PERSON!!!!

NEWSFLASH!
Dateline: Clemson, SC

While the rest of the sports news media spent the week obsessing over Ray Rice and his old lady, new evidence has been presented to this intrepid reporter that demonstrates current Clemson QB Cole Stoudt is actually former Clemson QB Kyle Parker!  Yes, you read that right: Cole Stoudt and Kyle Parker are THE SAME PERSON!

Proof?  It goes way, way beyond the OBVIOUS physical resemblance.  Here, check this out:


Obviously, this is the same person.  Who do they think they are fooling?

Word of this scandal has leaked to very high people in the Clemson hierarchy, including the dreaded Clemson Illuminati: THE BOARD OF TRUSTEES and JOEY BATSON!

They decreed that from now on Cole/Kyle (come on, even the names are similar) CANNOT BE SEEN IN PUBLIC WITHOUT A DISGUISE!  The Illuminati has decreed that this will continue all season long.

Don't believe me?  Then explain this recent pic that my good friend fordforever81 took outside a recent Clemson practice:

Who works out in a hat and sunglasses?

I have not heard from fordforever81 since he sent me this picture.  He will not answer his phone and I recently drove by his trailer and found it burned to the ground. 

What will the future hold for this scandal?  What will happen in the week leading up to the Tigers going into Taallaahhaassee?  Keep checking back here at THEORANGEKOOLAID.COM to find out!  Wait, there's a knock at the door here at Orange Kool Aid Towers...I'll answer it and keep typing...OH NO!  IT IS THE CLEMSON ILLUMINATI!  GET MY STORY OUT...HELP>>dkdsfvmncx,mvn

Monday, September 8, 2014

CUPCAKE KILLAHS

Yes, the Tigers of Clemson rolled all over the SC State Bulldogs in Death Valley on Saturday, September 6, 2014 by a score of 73 to 7.  Cole "Statue" Stoudt threw for just over 300 yards and lots of other great things happened.  Still one glaring thing sticks out in my mind as I look through the stats for this game:

Clemson's leading rusher got 76 yards.

That's right SEVENTY SIX YARDS in a blowout like this.

I know Florida State has been crappy looking their first two games, and this gives me heart as a Clemson fan, but SOMETHING has got to click on offense for us to have a chance in two weeks.

This is a rebuilding year after some great recent triumphs, but we can't just coast and start thinking about "next year."  Here's hoping the Tigers get their ducks in a row in time to go into Tallahassee and break the Semenholes' win-streak.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

FIRE EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!


"Oh, God!  They're coming down the hill with pitchforks & torches!"
 That's RIGHT!!!!!!!!    GRRRAAARRRGHHH!!!!!

Hahaha!  Ah, only kidding folks. 

Yeah, I am not a drunken moron Clemson fan (at least not at the moment).

I have a memory-span longer than one game.

Remember when Clemson went 10-2 in the regular season and then defeated Urban Meyer's Ohio State team in the Orange Bowl?  When was that again?

Oh yeah, last season.  Less than one year ago.

This is a rebuilding year.  Next year may be a rebuilding year. 

But to totally lose your shit and start clamoring for Dabo and The Chad's heads just makes you look like a fucking idiot. 

Just shut up.  Go drink a beer and yank-off to Japanese milf porn or something.  DON'T get on the internet and make yourself and the entire Clemson fan-base look as bad as the Clemson football team did Saturday night.  

Sunday, July 6, 2014

More Clemson Bloggers Bite the Dust: R.I.P. Shakin' The Southland's Founders

Yep, found out about this a bit late.  Seems Dr B. and FigureFour -the founders of Clemson website Shakinthesouthland-- have quit the website.  The website is still out there, "under new management," but the original guys and their much-loved comments and game-film analysis are gone.  This caused the usual bouts of gloom and doom in the comments, followed by the inevitable "start our own damn website!" lobby.  They dutifully did it and the result is...well, let's be honest.  It's basically what this website was many years ago when Chili and Willy Mac shut down Block-C.  Lots of people high-fiving and chest bumping at first and now...now there is only myself and "thedabokoolaid" and he pops up only when he gets out of jail on work-release.

Blogging is tough and I have the utmost respect for the STS guys for doing it as long and as frequently as they did.  I would think SBNation made thousands of dollars a month off STS, while DocB has stated that he made enough each month only to pay a cable bill.  Lots of rumors swirling around the blogosphere of lawsuits, of Clemson's AD being involved with SBNation putting pressure on DocB...weird stuff, really.  Given the players involved, I'm surprised that there isn't talk of perennial STS boogey-man Joey Batson being behind it all.  Maybe it was the training table lobby!  Those SOBs play dirty.

Regardless, it's sad to see the founders of STS leave.  Did they ever explain why they named it after the motto of the Clemson Marching Band?  Will they start their own website?  Who knows.  I wish everyone the best.  If anyone can pull it off, guys, it's you.


Friday, January 3, 2014

2014 Orange Bowl: Shuey's Show

Go ahead, punk.  Make my day.

Sometimes, I love being wrong.  Like when I prognosticate that my Clemson Tigers will lose a BCS bowl game to legendary coach Urban Meyer and his squad of OSU players who came **this close** to playing for the BCS National Championship. 

Don't get me wrong, thanks to the hotdogging and typical wrong-headed play-switching by QB Tajh Boyd (I'm thinking of the idiotic jump pass near the OSU end-zone & the INT with less than 2:00 left) Clemson ALMOST lost this game.  But who stepped into the gap to save the day?

Orange Bowl MVP Sammy Watkins?

Hell, no.  The man who dogged, pressured and sacked OSU QB Braxton Miller all game long ***OH, AND ALSO managed an INT*** Clemson Linebacker SPENCER SHUEY.

Thank you, #33, for stepping up and being the "in the trenches" MVP of this crazy, back and forth game. 

Oh, and I thought Dabo's post-game rant was classic.  Only team in the Palmetto State to win a BSC game?  Owned up to previous butt-kicking two years ago?  Only non-SEC team to ever beat two ranked SEC teams in the same season?  Only time Clemson has ever had two 11 win teams back-to-back?  Just classic Dabo and obviously all ad-libbed.  You have to love the guy.

OK, I am NOT DONE!  More later!  I plan a follow-up with a post to taunt OSU fans and some Signing Day foolishness, hopefully with my partner in crime, the DaboKoolAId hissef!!!!!!!

Oh, and I just wanted to add this hot Asian cheerleader again.  For my own personal edification.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

****UNEXPECTED 2014 ORANGE BOWL PREVIEW****



I think we are going to get our asses kicked.

Why? Clemson has stunk up the stadium in 2013 when playing QBs like Ohio State's Braxton Miller. There is no indication that this game will be any different.

Yes, it is Tajh's last game as a Tiger, but I just feel like this game is going to make all Clemson fans do the following: 1.) hate Urban Meyer, 2.) cry, 3.) get really drunk, 4.) fall into the fetal position, 5.) yell and scream that Dabo should be fired, 6.) turn off the game in the third quarter and go watch internet porn.