Monday, October 27, 2014

Thoughts From The Syracuse Game

Man...another week, another squeaker.  The Clemson defense hasn't been playing like this since time immemorial.  Seriously, these past three weeks (Louisville, BC and 'Cuse) have been like stepping back in time and watching a few old games when The Great One Himself, Danny Ford (Peace be Upon Him), was Head Coach.  That said, I've had other things on my mind, especially since the Syracuse game.  Can't get a rap song off my mind that popped in my head while I was watching the game.  I call this song...PURPLE SWEATER.

YO!!!!  I CAN ROCK A PURPLE SWEATER!!!!
 YOU THINK YOU CAN ROCK IT BETTER????
TALK TO THE HAND, SUCKA!!!! THERE'S NONE BETTER!!!!
DO MY DANCE NOW!!!!  PURPLE SWEATER!!!!
I'M STEPPIN'...I'M STEPPIN'...UH!!!!  UH!!!!
I CAN DIG IT, YO!


Monday, October 13, 2014

THE WHEELS COME OFF... .


Yep, the young man who could have saved this season and maybe led the storied Tigers of Clemson to victory over a shitty Sakerlina team is out...really for the remainder of the season.

Maybe he'll come back for the bowl game.  If there is one.

Oh well.  At least we have Cole/Kyle.  LOL!

The Clemson Illuminati are fickle, evil people.  

Monday, October 6, 2014

INITIATIVE Z, PSALM Z: THE RISE OF DESHAUN WATSON


Yes, changes are what make life good and bad.  A baby grows to be a man.  A tiny pistachio grows to be a mighty pistachio oak.  That hot girl you met in Geography class and banged grows to be annoying.  It's a fact of life, son.

It seems now that perhaps...just perhaps...the Clemson Illuminati knew what they were doing when they called Kyle Parker/Cole Stoudt up to start.  It gave them time to get Deshaun Watson back from Switzerland where his entire body was being replaced with cybernetics and mongoose blood.

I am not stating that Deshaun is not human.  He is.  He is human but also super-human.  A dichotomy of one.  Perhaps three.  I don't know exactly.  Bioengineering is difficult to understand when you've reached the seventh inn of enlightenment.

Regardless, Deshaun is the future of Clemson football.  May his freak-flag continue to fly against Louisville and Bobby "Don't Judge Me" Petrino this Saturday in Death Valley.

Trust Me.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

INITIATIVE Z: JAMEIS WINSTON OUT FOR ENTIRE GAME FLORIDA STATE VS. CLEMSON


Well, I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so.  The Clemson Illuminati (that's the Clemson Board of Trustees and Billy...I mean, Joey Batson) have spoken and have issued "Initiative Z" for the 2014 Florida State vs. Clemson game.  How did it happen?

Seems like mentally disturbed  Heisman Trophy Winner and Seafood Fan Supreme, Jameis Winston, yelled out a very interesting secret in the FSU commissary.  Yes, "Famous Jameis" revealed that he knows COLE STOUDT AND KYLE PARKER ARE THE SAME PERSON!

Coach Jimbo "Jesus" Fisher initially suspended Jameis for half the game, but then the Clemson Illuminati intervened and told Coach Fisher he had to enact "Initiative Z."  This was enacted TODAY September, 20, 2014.

As I predicted.  What is "Initiative Z"?  Jameis being suspended for the ENTIRE GAME.

Jameis simply knows too much.  He is a marked man.  How will his season progress from here as the Clemson Illuminati put more and more pressure on his already fragile psyche?  Only time will tell, but the same guys that took down Dr. B from STS are now hot on Jameis' trail.

WILL CLEMSON WIN THE GAME TONIGHT?

All I can say is that -whatever the outcome-- it will somehow play into the Clemson Illuminati's warped plans for humanity and Clemson Football.  


Friday, September 19, 2014

WHAT DID JAMEIS WINSTON YELL IN THE FLORIDA STATE LUNCHROOM?


Sources close to the incident tell this brave reporter that the mentally-disturbed and crab-obsessed National Champ and Heisman Trophy Winner yelled a long diatribe against Clemson that included this very interesting line:

"I DON'T CARE IF THAT DAMN CLEMSON QUARTERBACK IS TWO PEOPLE!  I GOTS THREE PEOPLE IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW TELLING ME TO WHIP MR. HAPPY OUT AND I GONNA JUST WHIP MR. HAPPY OUT!  IMMA GET YOU KYLE PARKER EVEN IF YOU ARE COLE STOUDT!"

Shocking!  Here, from the mouth of an angry and troubled young man comes even more confirmation that Cole Stoudt is actually Kyle Parker!

Another highly-placed source has told me that the Clemson Illuminati have put great pressure on FSU Head Coach/Baptist Minister Jimbo Fisher to enact something called "Initiative Z."  I have no idea what this means -as yet-- but I am researching it and hope to report back before the big game tomorrow night.

DC87 signing out...for now. 

Thursday, September 11, 2014

COLE STOUDT AND KYLE PARKER: OBVIOUSLY THE SAME PERSON!!!!

NEWSFLASH!
Dateline: Clemson, SC

While the rest of the sports news media spent the week obsessing over Ray Rice and his old lady, new evidence has been presented to this intrepid reporter that demonstrates current Clemson QB Cole Stoudt is actually former Clemson QB Kyle Parker!  Yes, you read that right: Cole Stoudt and Kyle Parker are THE SAME PERSON!

Proof?  It goes way, way beyond the OBVIOUS physical resemblance.  Here, check this out:


Obviously, this is the same person.  Who do they think they are fooling?

Word of this scandal has leaked to very high people in the Clemson hierarchy, including the dreaded Clemson Illuminati: THE BOARD OF TRUSTEES and JOEY BATSON!

They decreed that from now on Cole/Kyle (come on, even the names are similar) CANNOT BE SEEN IN PUBLIC WITHOUT A DISGUISE!  The Illuminati has decreed that this will continue all season long.

Don't believe me?  Then explain this recent pic that my good friend fordforever81 took outside a recent Clemson practice:

Who works out in a hat and sunglasses?

I have not heard from fordforever81 since he sent me this picture.  He will not answer his phone and I recently drove by his trailer and found it burned to the ground. 

What will the future hold for this scandal?  What will happen in the week leading up to the Tigers going into Taallaahhaassee?  Keep checking back here at THEORANGEKOOLAID.COM to find out!  Wait, there's a knock at the door here at Orange Kool Aid Towers...I'll answer it and keep typing...OH NO!  IT IS THE CLEMSON ILLUMINATI!  GET MY STORY OUT...HELP>>dkdsfvmncx,mvn

Monday, September 8, 2014

CUPCAKE KILLAHS

Yes, the Tigers of Clemson rolled all over the SC State Bulldogs in Death Valley on Saturday, September 6, 2014 by a score of 73 to 7.  Cole "Statue" Stoudt threw for just over 300 yards and lots of other great things happened.  Still one glaring thing sticks out in my mind as I look through the stats for this game:

Clemson's leading rusher got 76 yards.

That's right SEVENTY SIX YARDS in a blowout like this.

I know Florida State has been crappy looking their first two games, and this gives me heart as a Clemson fan, but SOMETHING has got to click on offense for us to have a chance in two weeks.

This is a rebuilding year after some great recent triumphs, but we can't just coast and start thinking about "next year."  Here's hoping the Tigers get their ducks in a row in time to go into Tallahassee and break the Semenholes' win-streak.